Whether you see yourself in a named role or as part of the all-important ensemble, find out what will be required of you in your audition here.
We would like you to prepare one of the short monologues here. If auditioning for chorus (or a part not listed), please choose one which you feel you can best characterise and bring life to. You may be asked to repeat this more than once.
Haircuts! Haircuts! Ladies and gentlemen, who is for an absolutely spiffing automatic haircut? Roll up, roll up, a positive snip at threepence a time! Haircuts While-You-Wait. A positive snip at threepence a time!
(A customer sits at his machine) Now just you relax Sir, and we’ll have you done in a jiffy. Observe and be amazed. (Smoke starts billowing out of the funnel at the front of the machine) Nothing to worry about Sir; a little friction to start with... Almost finished. (Customer emerges, head smoking) Well Sir, that’s you cooked, I mean done, I mean finished… (Tries to brazen it out, moving hand mirror up and down quickly) Well there we are Sir. It’s a new look. Will there be something else, Sir? Something for the weekend?
Look what you’ve done to my motorbike! I may never get it started now. Excuse me, but I happen to have a sticky carburettor and I’m simply here for a part. I’m fairly certain I need a new choke pull spring.
(She sees the children) Excuse me, but shouldn’t you be in school? I mean... you’re not sick, are you? Where’s your mother?... In the churchyard? Well, she ought to be looking after you… (She realises what they mean) Oh. I’m terribly sorry.
(She turns back to Potts) You see, I was right! It needs a new choke pull... but just why aren’t your children in school?
As you were… Do I smell food? Oh! Sausages, my favourite. Nothing like breakfast at supper time… Well, I’ll tell you, I got up this morning and I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How an elephant got… (Potts, Jemima and Jeremy join in) ...got into my pyjamas I shall never know… You’ve heard that one before?!…
So my boy, how’s the sweet making machine coming along? (Potts hands him the sweet) ...Is it supposed to have all these holes in it?
(Into the phone) Hello Boris? …What do you mean, you lost the car!... It what!... (To Baroness) He is saying the car can float! The secret mechanism still exists. (Into phone) Boris, I want that car! Get me that car! It will be my greatest toy… What?... This is a terrible line. (Repeating what Boris is saying) Yes, in the car is Potts… a woman… and two... chi... two chi… two chickens. Do not worry my dear. If they come here, the Childcatcher will do his work. Call the Childcatcher!
You must meet the toy maker. He is called the Toymaker. Vulgaria makes the most beautiful toys in the world. (She listens to Grandpa and then whispers) *Children?!* Husband! He used the C word. I cannot stand the mention of them. (She shudders) In fact, they are banned from this kingdom by Act of Parliament, and we have a Childcatcher who controls the streets and gets rid of them. It makes Vulgaria a more beautiful place to live.
There are children in here. I can smell them. Children…! Children, children. There is a twitch in my nose. I can smell children. My nose is never wrong. (Sniffing for children) There are children in here. I can smell their blood – and when I find them, you will have made your last toy. (Calling out to the children) Lollipops, cherry pie, cream puffs, ice cream… and all free… treacle tarts. Come along kiddiwinkies...
Shhh!... Quick, get those children inside! Come on, come on. Quick, before the Childcatcher gets here. I am the Toymaker. Now get inside! Please don’t argue. We must get these children out of sight. Quickly…he’s coming…! Children are forbidden in Vulgaria. The Suppression of Children Act, still in force. The toys I make are for the Baron. He likes toys. A lot…Get away from there, the Childcatcher might see you. He takes children and makes them… disappear. All of the children… as many as he can lay his hands on. It’s all because of the Baroness. She loathes them.
All we need to do now is buy the car. But, it’s not so simple. Mr Coggins wants to sell it to that nice Englishman. I don’t think he’s going to sell it to two Vulgarians… (Thinking) I’ve got it! Vee von’t tell him ve are from Vulgaria!
(Sigh) One only has to look at us to know how vulgar ve are. I have a vulgar heart and mind. I can’t speak English and still be Vulgar – that would make me American! We must be English. From now on, we are no longer Goran and Boris, we shall be... Gordan and Doris, and we will be English. Ha! Ha! Ha!
For the initial audition, we would like you to sing a song of your own choice, no longer than 3 minutes, of a style similar to that of the show – but not one of the songs from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
You should bring the music of the piano accompaniment: no backing tracks or unaccompanied songs, please.
You may also be asked to sing scales or other vocal exercises so that we can check
your range and voice quality.
For more information on the characters, click here.
To go straight to our audition form, click here.